Articles Tagged with relationships

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Carolyn Woodruff

Dear Carolyn,

I am married for the second time. My first husband, who I divorced, was physically and verbally abusive. I got out. The problem is I am right back in a miserable, abusive relationship—although quite different. This second husband (and might I add my last husband) is quite controlling on most every aspect of my life. He controls all the money, and I am given an allowance as a child. I dated him for two years, and I did not pick up on this for some reason. What insight do you have that might help?

– Poor picker of husbands

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Carolyn Woodruff

Dear Carolyn,

I am a 35-year-old woman with two small children (a daughter and a son), a puppy, and a cat. I am now separated. My “ex-husband” kicks and tortures the puppy, and I do not know why. The puppy cries and then the children, who witness the violence, cry.  It is a mess. The cat usually manages to get away.  Then my “ex-husband” yells at the kids and hits them too. I am so glad he is gone, but I worry about this monster I was married to. I worry about how he will treat our children when I am not around, especially when he is drinking.  Now he wants visitation with the puppy and the children. What can I do?

– Tortured

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Carolyn Woodruff

This week’s Ask Carolyn is all about lies and deceit. Our first reader is writing in about her cheating husband, and wants to know if a lie detector test will help her get justice and closure. Our second reader thought her daughter was at a Grasshoppers game with her father, only to find out that they’d lied and were miles away at the beach!

Dear Carolyn,

I want my husband to take a lie detector test. He’s cheating, and I know it. Will the lie detector test tell me what’s going on in his head, not to mention elsewhere? I need some peace of mind. Could I use the lie detector to get him kicked out of my home if he is cheating? What a louse to make me worry and fret like this. I’d like to know exactly what is in his brain.

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Carolyn Woodruff
Dear Carolyn,

I am pretty sure my husband is having an affair. We are not separated. I saw a text message where she texted him that she loved him. I checked his phone while he was in the shower. Should I confront him? What should I do?

– Bewildered by the Text

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Carolyn Woodruff
Dear Carolyn,

I am sixty-nine.  I have been in a fifty-year marriage.  I sure would like to be out of the marriage, but I fear I am too old.  I would like my retirement to be stress-free and with someone else. Do people my age really divorce?

– Old, but Fiesty

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Venn Crawford

Valentine’s day is aimed at couples, and those who are single often feel left out or disenchanted. But while the focus of Valentine’s may be romance, there’s no reason you can’t celebrate love of all types.

Platonic love is perhaps one of the most underrated kinds of love. Our friends are the people who support us every day, comforting us when we’re hurting, laughing with us when we’re not. But we don’t recognize that love nearly as much as we do romantic love.

The love we share with friends, siblings, and parents is just as worthy of celebration as the love of a significant other.  So if you’re feeling down about being single on Valentine’s day, try celebrating the other types of love in your life.

Published on:

Carolyn Woodruff
Dear Carolyn,

I am an aunt with two adult nephews and one adult niece.  I have no children of my own.  I have been very faithful, I feel, to lavishing these ingrates with gifts and attention on holidays, at weddings, birthdays, baby showers and generally.  There is never a thank-you note from them, much less a gift (not even a small one).  They virtually ignore me unless they are getting something from me.  I am very careful to thank them for every little thing they do for me, but when I thank them, I get the rude comment of “no problem.”  Where did the manners go for “thank you” and “you’re welcome?”  Thanksgiving and Christmas are particularly hard when they are most of my “blood” family.  I am considering simply washing my hands of these unappreciative relatives as I feel that would make me feel the best.  Any advice?

– Tired of the Unthankful

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Venn Crawford

On October 5, 2017, The New York Times released an article exposing decades of sexual abuse perpetrated by Harvey Weinstein, a well-known film producer and powerful player in Hollywood. After the article’s publication, a stream of new accusations surfaced, and journalists dug deeper, discovering a network of employees and private investigators who gathered information on victims and used non-disclosure agreements to intimidate them into silence.

The world looked on, many shocked by how sinister the story became as it deepened, others appalled that someone could get away with abuse for so long. But for survivors, each development just proves long-held truths about sexual violence.

Weinstein’s Hotel-Bathrobe-Massage Routine
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Venn Crawford

Last week, we discussed embracing change as a part of recovering from a breakup or divorce. Today I’d like to suggest a change which helped me tremendously – learning how to love yourself.

Yes, it sounds vague and empty. People always tell you that “you need to love yourself,” but they never tell you how to do that. Personally, I’m not sure half the people who say it know how to do it anyways.

It’s Easy to Love Others
Published on:

Venn Crawford

In college, I had a roommate whose world shattered every time she went through a breakup. She always blamed herself, couldn’t cope with being single again, and ended up convinced she was at fault. Most of those breakups were with the same on-again-off-again boyfriend.

It wasn’t just the one roommate either. My second roommate was self-obsessed. She partied at least four nights a week, modeled for fashion photography, and regularly posted pictures of herself holding champagne and dressed to kill. Despite appearances, she was suffering from bulimia and feelings of low self-worth. She flirted with men for validation and then couldn’t figure out why they never stuck around.

The first roommate would get back with her boyfriend shortly after each breakup. It never worked out. The second lived in a cycle of obsession and disappointment with her boy toys.